The couple, who have two grown-up children, scooped the £161,653,000 jackpot in Tuesday's EuroMillions draw.
The huge windfall catapults them to number 430 on Britain's rich list - just behind Posh and Becks.
Dad-of-two Colin, who becomes a pensioner next birthday, was so ecstatic he jokingly vowed to copy Goldenballs Becks and toast his fortune with a new BABY.
Asked how he felt being as rich as the Beckhams, the 64-year-old laughed and said: "We are going to try for another kid."
But wife Chris, 55, had other ideas - insisting: "It's too late for that!"
Colin revealed he had not slept a wink since the couple realised they had won this week's jackpot - Europe's biggest lottery prize.
The payout, which makes them richer than ex-Beatle Ringo Starr, is a huge boost to the pair, who have battled ill health for years.
Colin gave up his career as a Scottish Television cameraman - during which he filmed Sir Cliff Richard and actor Robert Redford - to care for Chris when she fell seriously ill in the early 1990s.
He eventually nursed her back to health and she resumed work - only for him to develop arthritis.
Colin said: "We've had a difficult time. I had to take a significant responsibility to do everything in the house to let Chris recuperate."
The couple missed Tuesday night's EuroMillions draw as they were watching their favourite TV show CSI.
But Chris checked the numbers on their bedroom telly at midnight - and re- checked them FOUR times before alerting her hubby.
She said: "I didn't have anything much on the first four lines, but when I got the fifth one, my last, I found I was ringing every number. I kept going back over them. Then I went to the stairs and said to Colin, 'I need you to check something for me'. He could tell by my voice something was up."
Colin said: "I had to check it three or four times as well because I couldn't believe it. The odds are incredible, it's a stupendous prize."
Chris added: "The Lotto phone line had closed so we just sat up. We were so full of adrenalin we couldn't sleep. We just sat there and talked about how amazing this was.
"We were tickled pink at the whole notion of the win. It got to about 4am and dawn was breaking. We still couldn't sleep so we opened a bottle of wine - and I don't even drink! That's how excited we were.
"We woke up Tuesday and everything was normal. By Wednesday morning, everything was different.
"But we're not afraid of this money, it's going to be fantastic - it's going to be such fun."
Colin revealed he had not let the winning ticket out of his sight since learning of the mega win.
He said: "We held it in our hands all night long on Tuesday and it has never left my side since." The pair now plan to buy homes for son Jamie, 22, and 24-year-old daughter Carly, a photography student.
They also plan driving lessons for them both and reckon Jamie will quit his job at a call centre.
The couple also aim to start their own charity and want to travel the world with Cambodia and Thailand on their wishlist - along with Australia, where Colin has long dreamt of visiting mystical Ayers Rock.
He said: "We want to take our time because it's such a large sum of money. We want to think about how we can do some good with it. There are things we are passionate about, but for as many people to benefit as possible we need to do it in a proper way."
Chris said: "We are not flashy people. We are not celebrities. We need to look at what is the best way to do the most good."
She added: "We need to think about our family and make sure the children are well provided for.
"Neither of them drive because they couldn't afford cars - so driving lessons will be a priority. As for a new house for us, we love the town where we live, but might look at buying a second home."
The couple had a jokey spat on the subject of replacing their cars - a six-year-old Suzuki Ignis and a three-year-old Suzuki SX4. Colin said: "I don't think we will immediately swap cars, if you've got reliable cars what's the point?"
But Chris insisted she WILL splash out on a swish new motor - admitting her dream car is a Lexus Prius Hybrid. She added: "Our future really is bright and golden."
Chris worked for the NHS as a nurse and nursing manager for 37 years before retiring in 2009 due to ill health. She has degrees in psychology and the effects of ageing and describes her illness as "rare and weird neurological problems".
The pair, who will earn £14,400 interest a DAY, live 30 miles from Scotland's other big winner.
Post worker Angela Kelly, of East Kilbride, scooped £35.4million in 2007.
A neighbour of the Weirs said: "They're good people and it's lovely to see something like this happen to someone who deserves it."
TUESDAY'S EuroMillions jackpot will be £18m after no one picked last night's numbers: 6, 26, 33, 34 and 39. Lucky Stars 3 and 4.
Read more: http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/3697016/EuroMillions-winners-161653000-smackers.html?OTC-RSS&ATTR=News#ixzz1SHaBu9OX
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